Feeling very down and depressed this morning. I'm going to go ahead and blame my horomones(which I blame for most of my emotional moods). I feel like I'm drowning and I've lost the desire for things. It's very hard to explain and I know I can't really talk to Shawn about it because he'll think it's a reflection of him. And honestly, it'd be alot easier to deal with if it was something he did, or anyone did. It's not though, it's an empty feeling. And it's so frustrating because at this point in my life I should be on top of the world. I'm married to an amazing man, I'm growing in my relationship with Christ, we're in our first home, we belong to an awesome church, making some Christian friends, i've got a good paying job with people I like to work with and yet....blah.
At the moment I'm thankful for this little office at work because I feel like hiding for the moment. Honeslty I would love to just sit in a quiet room and stare out the window....I would consider medication but most of them make you gain weight..I can't gain anymore weight....blah
Tuesday, February 26, 2013
Monday, January 28, 2013
Baby Steps
I just drank my last pop...well my last pop for the foreseeable future. Maybe somewhere down the line it won't be an issue anymore and I can have the occasional pop. That time is definitely not now.
Making lifestyle changes don't happen overnight. It has taken me MANY years of dieting and failing to finally come to this realization. The problem I've always had is I get excited about a new "diet" and resolve to make a laundry list full of changes to my diet and exercise regime. I''ll be good for about 2 weeks and then it all becomes to much and I backslide. God has completely opened my eyes to the fact that the issues I'm dealing with aren't which diet will be "the one" to finally help me lose the weight and be healthy. My issue is I'm an "emotional eater". So whatever emotion I might be dealing with I turn to food. I've been in complete denial of this truth for a long time. As I've gotten older though it's hard to deny any longer.
About a year ago I was looking online for a book or something that tied weight loss to God. I really didn't know what I was looking for but God knew exactly what I needed. Before this point, I had never thought about asking God for help in this area. Now it just seems silly. I mean HELLO?! this is the biggest issue of my life and somehow I didn't think God would care to be apart of it. ::SMH:: Anyhow, I came across Lysa Terkeurst's book Made to Crave. (if you haven't read it, you need to, LIKE NOW!) The main theme of the book is that God created us to crave Him not anything else. And it really opened my eyes that, not only am I an emotional eater, I'm turning to food in every area of my life where I should be turning to God!
Now I really wish I could say that after reading this book I turned my life around completely and I'm now at a healthy weight and feeling great! Maybe I'm a slow learner but I'm not there yet. That's why I titled this post "Baby Steps". I didn't become this way overnight and I know it won't change that quick either. I am, however, growing closer in my relationship with God. And that's what I want this blog to be about. This journey I'm on. To shed the weight, grow closer and closer to God, and be the person He created me to be.
God bless :)
Making lifestyle changes don't happen overnight. It has taken me MANY years of dieting and failing to finally come to this realization. The problem I've always had is I get excited about a new "diet" and resolve to make a laundry list full of changes to my diet and exercise regime. I''ll be good for about 2 weeks and then it all becomes to much and I backslide. God has completely opened my eyes to the fact that the issues I'm dealing with aren't which diet will be "the one" to finally help me lose the weight and be healthy. My issue is I'm an "emotional eater". So whatever emotion I might be dealing with I turn to food. I've been in complete denial of this truth for a long time. As I've gotten older though it's hard to deny any longer.
About a year ago I was looking online for a book or something that tied weight loss to God. I really didn't know what I was looking for but God knew exactly what I needed. Before this point, I had never thought about asking God for help in this area. Now it just seems silly. I mean HELLO?! this is the biggest issue of my life and somehow I didn't think God would care to be apart of it. ::SMH:: Anyhow, I came across Lysa Terkeurst's book Made to Crave. (if you haven't read it, you need to, LIKE NOW!) The main theme of the book is that God created us to crave Him not anything else. And it really opened my eyes that, not only am I an emotional eater, I'm turning to food in every area of my life where I should be turning to God!
Now I really wish I could say that after reading this book I turned my life around completely and I'm now at a healthy weight and feeling great! Maybe I'm a slow learner but I'm not there yet. That's why I titled this post "Baby Steps". I didn't become this way overnight and I know it won't change that quick either. I am, however, growing closer in my relationship with God. And that's what I want this blog to be about. This journey I'm on. To shed the weight, grow closer and closer to God, and be the person He created me to be.
God bless :)
Thursday, March 24, 2011
Got a bit off track..
I haven't blogged in a few weeks and I've actually missed it. Alot going on and when I think about doing it, I haven't felt like writing. I plan on posted one(or more) this weekend :)
Monday, March 7, 2011
Who Do You Think You Are
Since I have such love for Lifechurch.tv and all the msgs pastor Craig gives each week, I decided to share them on my blog. Just so you know what's on my heart as I continue to grow in my relationship with Him.
Right now we're doing a series called " Who do you think you are" as is who you are in Christ.
Yesterday's msg was Salt and Light and it was a great msg.
Our pastor has a great way of breaking things down in a way that really applies to your life.
He opened with Luke 5:31-32
"It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners to repentance."
He said we, as followers of Christ, are the Salt of the earth and the Light of the world.
"You are the salt of the earth. But if the salt loses its saltiness, how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled by men." Matthew 5:13
He then broke down what salt does:
it Preserves
it Purifies
it creates Thrist
it Melts
it Heals
"You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven." Matthew 5:14-16
Let Your Light Shine!
About midnight Paul and Silas were praying and singing hymns to God, and the other prisoners were listening to them. Acts 16:25
Suddenly there was such a violent earthquake that the foundations of the prison were shaken. At once all the prison doors flew open and everybody's chains came loose. The jailer woke up and when he saw the prison doors open, he drew his sword and was about to kill himself because he thought the prisoners had escaped. But Paul shouted" Don't harm yourself! We are all here!" Acts 16:26-28
Your Salt and Light living changes lives.
The jailer called for lights, rushed in and fell trembling before Paul and Silas. He then brought them out and asked" Sirs, what must I do to be saved?" They replied" Believe in the Lord Jesus, and you will be saved- you and your household." Acts 16 29-31
Then they spoke the word of the Lord to him and to all they others in his house. At that hour of the night the jailer took them and washed their wounds; then immediately he and all his family were baptized. The jailer brought them into his house and set a meal before them; he was filled with joy because he had come to believe in God- he and his whole family. Acts 16:32-34.
This really hit home with me. Sometimes it's overwhelming to me to think of the responsibility of spreading God's message to those that don't know him. I just have to remind myself that it's something I don't need to force. By putting my faith in Him and living my life to follow Him, I will reflect God's light. He will put me in the situations where He was use me and work through me. How awesome is that!
If you want to see this message, just go to Lifechurch.tv, hit "Watch" and you can view any of Craig's messages and learn a bit more about my church :)
Right now we're doing a series called " Who do you think you are" as is who you are in Christ.
Yesterday's msg was Salt and Light and it was a great msg.
Our pastor has a great way of breaking things down in a way that really applies to your life.
He opened with Luke 5:31-32
"It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners to repentance."
He said we, as followers of Christ, are the Salt of the earth and the Light of the world.
"You are the salt of the earth. But if the salt loses its saltiness, how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled by men." Matthew 5:13
He then broke down what salt does:
it Preserves
it Purifies
it creates Thrist
it Melts
it Heals
"You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven." Matthew 5:14-16
Let Your Light Shine!
About midnight Paul and Silas were praying and singing hymns to God, and the other prisoners were listening to them. Acts 16:25
Suddenly there was such a violent earthquake that the foundations of the prison were shaken. At once all the prison doors flew open and everybody's chains came loose. The jailer woke up and when he saw the prison doors open, he drew his sword and was about to kill himself because he thought the prisoners had escaped. But Paul shouted" Don't harm yourself! We are all here!" Acts 16:26-28
Your Salt and Light living changes lives.
The jailer called for lights, rushed in and fell trembling before Paul and Silas. He then brought them out and asked" Sirs, what must I do to be saved?" They replied" Believe in the Lord Jesus, and you will be saved- you and your household." Acts 16 29-31
Then they spoke the word of the Lord to him and to all they others in his house. At that hour of the night the jailer took them and washed their wounds; then immediately he and all his family were baptized. The jailer brought them into his house and set a meal before them; he was filled with joy because he had come to believe in God- he and his whole family. Acts 16:32-34.
This really hit home with me. Sometimes it's overwhelming to me to think of the responsibility of spreading God's message to those that don't know him. I just have to remind myself that it's something I don't need to force. By putting my faith in Him and living my life to follow Him, I will reflect God's light. He will put me in the situations where He was use me and work through me. How awesome is that!
If you want to see this message, just go to Lifechurch.tv, hit "Watch" and you can view any of Craig's messages and learn a bit more about my church :)
Sensitive
Sometimes I really don’t like how sensitive I can be. It sounds weird(at least to me) but I can sense when something is wrong with a person, even if they don’t tell me. I had this experience today and I asked if they were okay and they, very rudely, said “ I don’t want to talk to you about it” so I left it alone. I wish I could say I forgot about it after that and went along my merry way but..yea, not so much. Whatever their trouble, didn’t have anything to do with me but it felt directed at me by their reaction. I have all these thoughts like “ fine, be rude, see if I ever listen to you about any of your problems again.” “good luck with all your crap, I don’t want to hear about it every again” The problem is, I can’t keep to those thoughts and I care too much. So instead it hurts my feelings. UGH! Plus as I draw closer to God, and realize who I am in Him, I can’t just turn off who I am. I’m salt and light. I’m to reflect God’s love, even though people aren’t deserving. And by that, I don't mean to sound better than anyone. No one is deserving of God's love, that's why it's so awesome.
I took a moment to read God's word and calm myself down a bit. It helped. Just praying for whatever is going on with them to be resolved and for God to give me the wisdom to know how to handle them when they will turn to me again. I’m sooooo thankful for Christ, to be his child. I just don’t know how I’d handle life without Him.
I"m also so thankful to have a husband who is my best friend and I can talk to about stuff like this. He always makes me feel better.
I took this picture while he was getting ready for work. With this new camera app, I made him look like a dad from the 50s lol ;)
I took a moment to read God's word and calm myself down a bit. It helped. Just praying for whatever is going on with them to be resolved and for God to give me the wisdom to know how to handle them when they will turn to me again. I’m sooooo thankful for Christ, to be his child. I just don’t know how I’d handle life without Him.
I"m also so thankful to have a husband who is my best friend and I can talk to about stuff like this. He always makes me feel better.
I took this picture while he was getting ready for work. With this new camera app, I made him look like a dad from the 50s lol ;)
Sunday, February 27, 2011
"To each their own"
After the past few weekends being a bit busy, it was nice to have a low key weekend. Friday evening I got to catch up a bit with good friend. Its crazy how time can get away from you. The next thing you know, its been 6mths and you haven't spoken to each other. Except for Facebook....
I'm going to try and do a better job of keeping up with my friends. I have a tendency to get lost in what I'm doing and lose focus of others. I feel bad about that because my friends are very important to me. I pray time won't get away from me so much, and I do better at being a good friend :)
Yesterday morning did our usual Saturday morning routine and went grocery shopping. Before that we went to this great little cafe in BA called Kenosha Cafe. It's across the street from Rhema. Shawn had been there a few times with a coworker and thought I'd like it. It's only open for breakfast and lunch but it was so good. Very inexpensive too! They had a wall sign full of all their homemade pies, cobblers, and cakes. They all sounded great, but I just stuck to breakfast(trying to be good). SO the reason I bring this up is because as I get older, I'm starting to appreciate places like this. Much more than I ever did before. I really like the idea of a mom and pop time diner or cafe. Instead of all the chain restaurants we have in and around Tulsa. I like those too, it's just nice to have something different. It's great to go in a smaller place like that and feel like the people there genually enjoy what they do. It's funny to say but you can taste it in the food too. Or maybe that's just me, I don't know. Any new places like this I find, I'll let ya know! OH, Shilohs...OMG..if you want AMAZING homecookin food, go there! You will not be disappointed, trust me :)
OKay, enough about food. New topic!
We went to visit my grandma today after church. It was a pretty good visit as she seemed in a good mood and pretty responsive. Quick back story, my grandma is 86, she has ever advancing alzhemiers and she is living in an assisted living facility. I'm very close to my grandma or was very close to her, before all that started. She's been more than a grandma to me, more like a second mother. My mother is/was extremely close to her. They were best friends, she told her everything. It's hard to see how it hurts my mom when she doesn't remember something...like her name. Sometimes I'm not sure if she realizes that my mom is her daughter. Thankfully though, the heart of who my grandma is, is still there. She's still funny and the sweetest person you'll ever meet. She still loves people and likes to be around them.
She's in a good place and I think they take very good care of her. At first that was very hard for her to adapt to. She's always been the caretaker and she doesn't know how to step out of that roll. Even know when we visit, she's always asking if we need anything "take a cookie, take two" "we can turn on the tv, watch whatever you want". As I type this, I can't help but tear up a bit. If there was ever a person to have as a hero, she's it. She's strong in her faith, even now. She'll tell me" I've been praying for your baby" as in praying for me to have one.
Okay, gotta stop typing that. A bit to difficult to go there right now. Just know that I love my grandma and I can't wait for the day in heaven when we'll sit down and have one of our awesome conversations like we use to before "A" started taking her away.
God Bless
Ps- "To each their own" is something my grandma always says ;)
I'm going to try and do a better job of keeping up with my friends. I have a tendency to get lost in what I'm doing and lose focus of others. I feel bad about that because my friends are very important to me. I pray time won't get away from me so much, and I do better at being a good friend :)
Yesterday morning did our usual Saturday morning routine and went grocery shopping. Before that we went to this great little cafe in BA called Kenosha Cafe. It's across the street from Rhema. Shawn had been there a few times with a coworker and thought I'd like it. It's only open for breakfast and lunch but it was so good. Very inexpensive too! They had a wall sign full of all their homemade pies, cobblers, and cakes. They all sounded great, but I just stuck to breakfast(trying to be good). SO the reason I bring this up is because as I get older, I'm starting to appreciate places like this. Much more than I ever did before. I really like the idea of a mom and pop time diner or cafe. Instead of all the chain restaurants we have in and around Tulsa. I like those too, it's just nice to have something different. It's great to go in a smaller place like that and feel like the people there genually enjoy what they do. It's funny to say but you can taste it in the food too. Or maybe that's just me, I don't know. Any new places like this I find, I'll let ya know! OH, Shilohs...OMG..if you want AMAZING homecookin food, go there! You will not be disappointed, trust me :)
OKay, enough about food. New topic!
We went to visit my grandma today after church. It was a pretty good visit as she seemed in a good mood and pretty responsive. Quick back story, my grandma is 86, she has ever advancing alzhemiers and she is living in an assisted living facility. I'm very close to my grandma or was very close to her, before all that started. She's been more than a grandma to me, more like a second mother. My mother is/was extremely close to her. They were best friends, she told her everything. It's hard to see how it hurts my mom when she doesn't remember something...like her name. Sometimes I'm not sure if she realizes that my mom is her daughter. Thankfully though, the heart of who my grandma is, is still there. She's still funny and the sweetest person you'll ever meet. She still loves people and likes to be around them.
She's in a good place and I think they take very good care of her. At first that was very hard for her to adapt to. She's always been the caretaker and she doesn't know how to step out of that roll. Even know when we visit, she's always asking if we need anything "take a cookie, take two" "we can turn on the tv, watch whatever you want". As I type this, I can't help but tear up a bit. If there was ever a person to have as a hero, she's it. She's strong in her faith, even now. She'll tell me" I've been praying for your baby" as in praying for me to have one.
Okay, gotta stop typing that. A bit to difficult to go there right now. Just know that I love my grandma and I can't wait for the day in heaven when we'll sit down and have one of our awesome conversations like we use to before "A" started taking her away.
God Bless
Ps- "To each their own" is something my grandma always says ;)
Friday, February 25, 2011
Nobody said it was easy
Glad it's Friday, but it was a pretty crazy day. Well mostly until about 3ish, then it slowed down. Office on Friday mornings is always busy but today seemed to get away from me a bit, kind of like I was chasing my tail. Right in the middle of it all, we had a patient show up saying they were suppose to have an appt for U/S and I didn't remember talking to them about it or making an appt. Long story short, our U/S tech was out and they lived far away so I was scrambling to figure out what to do. Luckily I got them taken care of and all turned out okay. I just don't like letting people down and I'm not a big fan of surprises. It just put a damper on the day.
The bittersweet of the day was all the babies. Babipalooza, I called it. I had it pointed out to me that I use that term alot(palooza). I know it's goofy but I'm goofy so it fits, I think.
Anyway...a few people brought their babies up to work today, then my bestest friend found out she's having a girl(YAY!). On top of that I found out a few more people are pregnant. Which, honestly, is great! I'm so happy for everyone, truly I am! It's just hard sometimes when it feels like everyone around you is apart of this awesome inside joke and I didn't hear the punch line. I'm getting to a good place with the whole pregnancy thing but some days it's still hard.
We've been "trying" for about a year without success. To spare all the details, my cycles are outta wack and the problem is my insulin level is off. SO yea, need to lose weight and really watch my sugar/carb intake. These things I already knew, it's just a lot more concrete when your doctor lays it out for you. My dr recommended the South Beach diet so I started that a few weeks ago. It's a daily battle, something I've dealt with for a long time. The best part of all of this is that I have Jesus to turn to and my amazing husband. He's right there with me every step of the way, always caring and supportive.
I know that God has His perfect timing and it will all work out as it should. I look back at a time when all I did was pray to meet my husband. I was involved with all the wrong people and I had given up. I was convinced I'd never find him and I was just going to be single. Thinking of that makes me shake my head now. I was only 26 and I was thinking it was all over for me regarding love. Now here I am, with a husband that's so much more then I could have ever dreamed for myself. I'm so thankful that God's in control and I'm not because my life would be a disaster. I keep my hope and faith in that fact and know God wouldn't have given me such a desire to be a mother if he didn't mean for me to be one someday.
I'll be so happy to look back at this moment in my life as I'll sit with all my babies and think" why was I in such a hurry for this?!?!" LOL just kidding. I'll think back and shake my head and laugh at myself. It'll be more amazing than I can imagine now and I'll be again blessed by God's love and faithfulness.
God bless :)
The bittersweet of the day was all the babies. Babipalooza, I called it. I had it pointed out to me that I use that term alot(palooza). I know it's goofy but I'm goofy so it fits, I think.
Anyway...a few people brought their babies up to work today, then my bestest friend found out she's having a girl(YAY!). On top of that I found out a few more people are pregnant. Which, honestly, is great! I'm so happy for everyone, truly I am! It's just hard sometimes when it feels like everyone around you is apart of this awesome inside joke and I didn't hear the punch line. I'm getting to a good place with the whole pregnancy thing but some days it's still hard.
We've been "trying" for about a year without success. To spare all the details, my cycles are outta wack and the problem is my insulin level is off. SO yea, need to lose weight and really watch my sugar/carb intake. These things I already knew, it's just a lot more concrete when your doctor lays it out for you. My dr recommended the South Beach diet so I started that a few weeks ago. It's a daily battle, something I've dealt with for a long time. The best part of all of this is that I have Jesus to turn to and my amazing husband. He's right there with me every step of the way, always caring and supportive.
I know that God has His perfect timing and it will all work out as it should. I look back at a time when all I did was pray to meet my husband. I was involved with all the wrong people and I had given up. I was convinced I'd never find him and I was just going to be single. Thinking of that makes me shake my head now. I was only 26 and I was thinking it was all over for me regarding love. Now here I am, with a husband that's so much more then I could have ever dreamed for myself. I'm so thankful that God's in control and I'm not because my life would be a disaster. I keep my hope and faith in that fact and know God wouldn't have given me such a desire to be a mother if he didn't mean for me to be one someday.
I'll be so happy to look back at this moment in my life as I'll sit with all my babies and think" why was I in such a hurry for this?!?!" LOL just kidding. I'll think back and shake my head and laugh at myself. It'll be more amazing than I can imagine now and I'll be again blessed by God's love and faithfulness.
God bless :)
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